sunsetwalk

My last post was written shortly before I started culinary school. What a whirlwind of a year 2015 was! I don’t want to get too into all the details, mostly because I’m still processing a lot of them, but, it was a VERY HARD YEAR. It had a lot of good moments, but it was also another hard year internally, personally. It seems like the last several years have been like that, in different ways, yet nonetheless, just plain hard.

And yet, we press on…don’t we?

To make a long story short, and to be vulnerably honest with you, I basically imploded. Like an engine that is running high and runs out of oil to keep everything pumping along smoothly, I seized. About the halfway-ish mark of winter quarter this year I had missed too many classes and timed out. I tossed the white flag of surrender on the field and declared, “I’m done”, and slumped into a heap on my bed. I had nothing left in me. I had short-circuited.

So, I’m taking spring quarter off to rest, refocus, recuperate, relax, reorganize, reevaluate, restore, refresh, recenter, regain, remind, reclaim, and all the other re-‘s there are. So far, I’m doing ok. I’m taking each day as it comes. And today, I’m ok with letting you know.

I don’t feel like I need to explain myself, justify my actions, or even hide them from you. I’m ready to start facing the fact that you may already know I’m not only not perfect, I am, in fact, severely flawed.

sunsetmoon

I do, however, think it’s time to start blowing the clouds away from the hazy vagueness I’ve cultivated over my entire life to keep people out of my secret hiding place. I probably won’t let you all the way in, but I do want to attempt building a window, probably a small one, but it will at least be there, for you to glimpse into my elusive heart.

I don’t know what it will look like. I don’t know what I’ll share, or how deeply I’ll share, but I do feel like I can start the process of walking down the path of making the picture of who I am a bit more clear. Only by God’s intense love and profound grace will this be possible. If you know me at all, my heart cry is to honor and please my Savior Jesus in all that I say and do, and to share the incomprehensible love He has impacted my life with so that you may know how much He longs to lavish that same love upon you.

One of the ways I do know how I want to do this is via a brand new website. It’s very bare-bones right now, but I am working on pretty-ing it up for you. I’m also thinking of making this blog an archive, once I’ve made the transition. I’ve been blogging for over 10 years (can you even believe it?!) and I don’t want to lose all that I’ve painstakingly and loving poured out to you. We shall see how it all unfolds.

lilacleaves

So, in the meantime, how are you doing? I’ve missed you. I really hope we can pick up where we left off and settle back into the coziness of sharing and laughing and crying and rejoicing with one another! Here’s my prayer for you, sweet friend, and for our friendship:

Dear Heavenly Father, once again I humbly come before you to thank you for the precious people you have put in my life. By Your grace, You have sustained our relationship. By Your hand, You have protected and guided us. How could I ever thank you enough?? It has meant so much to me to be able to share parts of my life with the ones You’ve brought to this humble space. I would like to ask You to continue Your work in me, to help me keep moving forward in this whole writing/sharing adventure thing. It is so important to me that Your children are encouraged by You, through me, that they find hope and healing, a listening ear, and an empathetic heart that sincerely cares. Bless each and every one of these precious people-gifts You’ve given me, and let them know how much they are loved and cared about, even (and especially) when I can’t express it outwardly. And not just loved and cared about by me, but of course, and most importantly, by YOU. Precious, Lord Jesus, be glorified in all we say and all we do in Your name. I love You, my Father, and I love Your people. In the awesome, powerful, just, and sweet name of Jesus I pray. AMEN. 

Soli Deo Gloria,

Traci xoxo

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Rebecca May 2, 2016 at 3:23 pm

Love you sweet friend. Can’t wait to see the beauty that you create!

Reply

Traci May 11, 2016 at 11:37 am

Oh, sweet Rebecca! It thrills my heart to no end to see that you stopped by! You are a treasure, and I thank the Lord continually for you. I’m not sure where these steps will lead us, however, I am CERTAIN the Lord is lighting the path and preparing a way for us. May we have humble, listening, servant hearts as we spend copious amounts of time in His presence!
Love,
Traci xoxo

Reply

sanu December 28, 2016 at 6:29 am

Thanks for share Where I’ve Been, and Where I’m Going

Reply

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